ASK YOUR FATHER | 2011
In this collection of paintings, I asked several of my male friends to send me five questions that they could never bring themselves to ask their father. Additionally, I requested an image of their father that spoke to them in some way. These paintings are a response to what I received: stories, reflections, images, and incisive questions. I deeply appreciate their candor and trust in me with this project.
Below are a collection of the questions that were posed:
Marine
Why can't you just settle down and appreciate what you have?
"The perfect is the enemy of the good." Discuss.
If you'd rather that I be an Axe Murderer than teacher, whom would you like to be a teacher?
How did a U.S. Marine turn out to be such a pinko commie? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
What was it like, growing up with a violent, abusive, convicted felon, and how did this shape your outlook on life?
Free Love?
What really happened when my name became _________?
Free Love?
Why did you start smoking if you knew it killed your mom?
How come you left on that trip to Guatemala when we needed you at home?
Did drugs make you happy or just ease the pain?
The River
At the end of the river road: did you just float a worm or did you sink it a bit?
How did you square your mental illness with your place in the world?
Biggest regret? Proudest achievement?
Were you ever proud of anything I did? If so, what?
What’s the fix to get the chick magnet running again?
Damavand
When you were a kid, what did you dream about becoming?
Did you ever doubt your decision to return to Iran to marry mom?
What is your biggest regret in life?
If you could take a long vacation without regard to cost or consequence, where would it be?
Are you happy with how your life is right now?
Carpenter
What do you remember feeling on the day I was born?
What is your proudest memory of me from my childhood?
What parts of yourself do you see in me? in your grandchildren?
How do you think I am doing as a Father?
Finding my own path and following in your footsteps...do you know I wish I could do both?
Road Trip
What did you feel like the first time you held me?
Are you afraid to ask me about my personal life?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What did you feel like in the moment when the doctor said, "You have cancer?"
Who is your hero?
Vitamins
What really happened on that trip to New Orleans?
Explain your career in less than 50 words.
State, in no fewer than 10,000 words (and preferably more), the exact development of your thoughts and feelings about Communism from the earliest age at which you can remember hearing the term until present.
Given that the extent of your political activism is voting and the occasional campaign contribution, how are the tens of thousands of hours you've spent watching and reading the news any better than the tens of thousands of hours most American men spend watching sports? "Staying informed about the world" is not an acceptable answer.
Who are the top 5 women you wish you could have had sex with?
The War
Why, exactly, did you divorce your first wife?
On the ship en route to North Africa in 1943, was there ever a moment when you thought you might not survive the war?
That photo of you with that woman in Naples in 1944…do I have a half brother somewhere in Italy?
If you could relive one moment in your life, what would that be?
Did you ever do something you were too ashamed to tell anyone about?
Bandleader
What happened to let you know you had to stop drinking?
How difficult was it to live as a working and traveling musician, especially with grandma and mom?
Did you feel guilty playing in the army band during the war instead of serving on the front?
How did you manage, as a traveling musician, to persuade Grandma (and her aunts) that you were a worthwhile suitor?
What is that splendid hair product in these photos?
Hands
How did your sexuality and sex drive change over the decades?
What specific theological doubts were most enduring for you and why?
What were you ten favorite/most influential novels read?
How do you remember your father, especially in your latter years? Did the ways you see him overall change as you got on in years?
What were the parts or things of raising us kids as young ones that were most enjoyable for you? Pre adolescent...
The Law
Did you ever forgive your father? Why?
What is one thing you've done that you would never tell your children about?
Did you ever hit mom?
How am I disappointing?
How do you think other people see you?
The Grill
Why did you marry all those women?
Where did you find the strength to stop drinking?
How did you feel when you first found out Grandpa was a cross dresser?
Why don't you have any hobbies?
Have you finally found happiness?
XXIII
Do you have any regrets about having children at such a young age?
How did your brother's death from AIDS change you, and did it have an impact on your religious beliefs?
Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
What has been the key to your 42-year marriage to mom?
Do you know how much I love and respect you?
The Doctor
Why did you and my mom get married?
How did your struggles with substance abuse shape your life?
What happened to you when you were in Korea?
What is your biggest regret?
Did you ever see yourself as mentally ill?
Marine
Why can't you just settle down and appreciate what you have?
"The perfect is the enemy of the good." Discuss.
If you'd rather that I be an Axe Murderer than teacher, whom would you like to be a teacher?
How did a U.S. Marine turn out to be such a pinko commie? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
What was it like, growing up with a violent, abusive, convicted felon, and how did this shape your outlook on life?
Free Love?
What really happened when my name became _________?
Free Love?
Why did you start smoking if you knew it killed your mom?
How come you left on that trip to Guatemala when we needed you at home?
Did drugs make you happy or just ease the pain?
The River
At the end of the river road: did you just float a worm or did you sink it a bit?
How did you square your mental illness with your place in the world?
Biggest regret? Proudest achievement?
Were you ever proud of anything I did? If so, what?
What’s the fix to get the chick magnet running again?
Damavand
When you were a kid, what did you dream about becoming?
Did you ever doubt your decision to return to Iran to marry mom?
What is your biggest regret in life?
If you could take a long vacation without regard to cost or consequence, where would it be?
Are you happy with how your life is right now?
Carpenter
What do you remember feeling on the day I was born?
What is your proudest memory of me from my childhood?
What parts of yourself do you see in me? in your grandchildren?
How do you think I am doing as a Father?
Finding my own path and following in your footsteps...do you know I wish I could do both?
Road Trip
What did you feel like the first time you held me?
Are you afraid to ask me about my personal life?
What did you want to be when you grew up?
What did you feel like in the moment when the doctor said, "You have cancer?"
Who is your hero?
Vitamins
What really happened on that trip to New Orleans?
Explain your career in less than 50 words.
State, in no fewer than 10,000 words (and preferably more), the exact development of your thoughts and feelings about Communism from the earliest age at which you can remember hearing the term until present.
Given that the extent of your political activism is voting and the occasional campaign contribution, how are the tens of thousands of hours you've spent watching and reading the news any better than the tens of thousands of hours most American men spend watching sports? "Staying informed about the world" is not an acceptable answer.
Who are the top 5 women you wish you could have had sex with?
The War
Why, exactly, did you divorce your first wife?
On the ship en route to North Africa in 1943, was there ever a moment when you thought you might not survive the war?
That photo of you with that woman in Naples in 1944…do I have a half brother somewhere in Italy?
If you could relive one moment in your life, what would that be?
Did you ever do something you were too ashamed to tell anyone about?
Bandleader
What happened to let you know you had to stop drinking?
How difficult was it to live as a working and traveling musician, especially with grandma and mom?
Did you feel guilty playing in the army band during the war instead of serving on the front?
How did you manage, as a traveling musician, to persuade Grandma (and her aunts) that you were a worthwhile suitor?
What is that splendid hair product in these photos?
Hands
How did your sexuality and sex drive change over the decades?
What specific theological doubts were most enduring for you and why?
What were you ten favorite/most influential novels read?
How do you remember your father, especially in your latter years? Did the ways you see him overall change as you got on in years?
What were the parts or things of raising us kids as young ones that were most enjoyable for you? Pre adolescent...
The Law
Did you ever forgive your father? Why?
What is one thing you've done that you would never tell your children about?
Did you ever hit mom?
How am I disappointing?
How do you think other people see you?
The Grill
Why did you marry all those women?
Where did you find the strength to stop drinking?
How did you feel when you first found out Grandpa was a cross dresser?
Why don't you have any hobbies?
Have you finally found happiness?
XXIII
Do you have any regrets about having children at such a young age?
How did your brother's death from AIDS change you, and did it have an impact on your religious beliefs?
Who has been the biggest influence in your life?
What has been the key to your 42-year marriage to mom?
Do you know how much I love and respect you?
The Doctor
Why did you and my mom get married?
How did your struggles with substance abuse shape your life?
What happened to you when you were in Korea?
What is your biggest regret?
Did you ever see yourself as mentally ill?