OCTOBER SURPRISE | 2008
The series, October Surprise, is a visual investigation of some of the more bizarre aspects of the presidency. In each of these images, presidential portraits are combined with graphic representations of presidential trivia. The term “October Surprise” is political jargon describing a news event with the potential to influence the outcome of an election late in the election season.
The paintings for October Surprise look at how the presidents are, of course, utterly human. At the same time, however, their position of authority allows them to engage in some particularly unique and extraordinary activities. While presidents are “just like us,” they also get to roll giant steel balls hundreds of miles, custom order new pants directly from CEOs, and vomit on heads of state. In this way, October Surpise paints an alternate portrait of power: comedic, quixotic, and entirely mundane.
The paintings for October Surprise look at how the presidents are, of course, utterly human. At the same time, however, their position of authority allows them to engage in some particularly unique and extraordinary activities. While presidents are “just like us,” they also get to roll giant steel balls hundreds of miles, custom order new pants directly from CEOs, and vomit on heads of state. In this way, October Surpise paints an alternate portrait of power: comedic, quixotic, and entirely mundane.
Stories behind the paintings:
George Washington
Washington grew pot on his farm and distilled over 11,000 gallons of whiskey annually. It is unclear whether or not this contributed to his having all of his teeth pulled when he was 57. Or perhaps it was that Washington was so much of an ice cream lover, he had "ice-boxes" kept full for his family and guests. They apparently ordered thousands of gallons over the years. Washington also apparently had a speech impediment. He would often get his “I’s” and “e’s” mixed up. This caused him to spell many words incorrectly. Having no teeth likely made speech challenging, as well. Washington also came up with 110 rules to live by. For example, Rule #69 says:
If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side.
Watch him defeat the British in this historic footage!
Andrew Jackson
At the funeral of Andrew Jackson in 1845, his pet parrot named Poll had to be removed because it was swearing. In this image, Poll is insulting Jackson, squawking, "You idiot! Crazy asshole!" in the Cherokee language of Tsalagi. Jackson, of course, was to the Cherokee what Saddam Hussein was to the Kurds. Thanks to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, Jackson helped create the "Trail of Tears," which resulted in the death of over 4,000 women, children, and men. Regarding the Cherokee, Jackson said "under the protection of the Government and through the influence of good counsels, [we help them] to cast off their savage habits and become an interesting, civilized, and Christian community." You idiot. Crazy asshole.
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln is consistently ranked as the greatest president of all time, with occasional nods to Washington. This painting is based on a photograph by Lewis Emory Walker, taken in 1865, just two months before Lincoln's assassination. An alteration of the original photograph is used by the City of Springfield, Illinois on many of its official publications. According to the City, "Lincoln's short hair, similar to modern punk cuts, was probably the result of a plaster life mask that was made around this same time by the sculptor Clark Mills."
James Garfield
James Garfield, our 20th president, used to entertain the cabinet by writing in Latin with his right hand and Greek with his left hand--at the same time. Garfield also devised a somewhat nifty proof of the Pythagorean Theorem. He was also a bit of a hearty mule, juggling Indian clubs to build his muscles. On July 2, 1881, less than four months after taking office, Garfield was shot by nutjob Charles J. Guiteau. Guiteau, disgruntled by failed efforts to secure a federal post, yelled out, "I am a Stalwart of the Stalwarts! I did it and I want to be arrested!" after shooting the president. Garfield didn't die immediately. As Garfield attempted to recuperate, doctors continued to probe Garfield's wound with dirty, unsterilized fingers and instruments, attempting for no particular reason to find the location of the bullet. Alexander Graham Bell devised a metal detector specifically for the purpose of finding the bullet lodged inside Garfield, but the metal bed frame Garfield was lying on made the instrument malfunction. Full of infection from all the filthy fingerings, Garfield died on September 19, 1881, two and a half months after being shot.
Great Garfield quotes:
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
Grover Cleveland
Stephen Grover Cleveland (March 18, 1837 – June 24, 1908) was both the twenty-second and twenty-fourth President of the United States. Cleveland was a bachelor when he was elected to the presidency, but he quickly took care of that by marrying the 21-year-old Frances Folsom. In the midst of the Panic of 1893, Cleveland's doctor found a small ulcerated sore on the left surface of Cleveland's hard palate. Initial biopsies were inconclusive; later the samples were proven to be a malignant cancer. Because of the financial depression of the country, Cleveland decided to have surgery performed in secrecy to avoid further market panic. Under the guise of a July vacation cruise, Cleveland and his surgeon, Dr. Joseph Bryant, left for New York. The surgeons operated aboard the yacht Oneida as it sailed off Long Island. The team, sedating Cleveland with nitrous oxide and ether, successfully removed parts of his upper left jaw and hard palate. The size of the tumor and the extent of the operation left Cleveland's mouth disfigured. During a subsequent surgery, an orthodontist fitted Cleveland with a hard rubber prosthesis that corrected his speech and restored his appearance. As far as we know, Cleveland was the only president who had a rubber jaw.
Benjamin Harrison
Benjamin Harrison (August 20, 1833 – March 13, 1901) was the twenty-third President of the United States, serving one measly and forgettable term from 1889 to 1893. Harrison, the only Hoosier president, lost the popular vote by about 90,000 votes, but won the Electoral College by a margin of 233 to 168. As part of his 1888 campaign, Harrison supporters rolled a giant steel "campaign ball" from Maryland to Indianapolis, 600 miles away. Under the slogan “Keep the ball rolling for Harrison,” this 12-foot diameter sphere was festooned with uplifting campaign rhetoric. Harrison was the first president to enjoy the pleasures of electric light in the White House. Unfortunately, he was terrified of electricity and often slept with the lights on, too afraid to flip the "off" switch. Harrison's presidency was perhaps slightly more memorable than his grandfather's. William Henry Harrison, who insisted on delivering the longest inauguration speech in history without a warm coat, died 30 days into his first term. At least Benjamin stuck around long enough to sign the Sherman Anti-Trust act into law.
Calvin Coolidge
Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge was, along with Warren G. Harding and Herbert Hoover, part of the unholy trinity that provided Americans with the Great Depression of the 1930s. While in office (1923-1929), however, Cooldige lived the high life. Coolidge loved playing cowboys and Indians, as photos from his presidency attest. To further this fantasy, Coolidge had an "electric horse" installed in the White House, which he purportedly rode for exercise. Upon learning that Coolidge had died, wisecracking writer Dorothy Parker reportedly remarked, "How can they tell?" To see the least enthralling speech in American political history, check out this.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
FDR beat Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito from a wheelchair. This is a big painting for a big man, my favorite president--with the possible exception of his distant cousin Theodore. He was, famously, only afraid of tautologies.
Harry S Truman
President Truman once said, "No man should be allowed to be president who doesn't understand hogs." It is unclear how Truman might have felt about the contemporary practice of injecting hogs with hormones to increase girth and deliciousness. Or about how hog waste also contributes to air pollution and greenhouse emissions. Ammonia and methane emissions leak unimpeded into the atmosphere, and dangerous foul odors from manure-pit gases waft over to neighboring communities, decreasing the quality of life for citizens living downwind.
"Tell him to go to hell!" - Truman's first response upon learning that Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted him to be his running mate.
Truman was playing poker when he learned that he was to become president. John Tyler, on the other hand, learned of his ascendancy (upon William Henry Harrison's death) while playing marbles.
The New Frontier
While almost no two sources are in agreement as to just how much sex Kennedy enjoyed, historian John Richard Stephens says that "Kennedy confided with friends that he could only be satisfied with three women a day." In August of 1943, while serving as skipper of the PT-109, Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. His @#$ing teeth!
And then there's this!
Lyndon B. Johnson
On 9 August 1964 President Johnson ordered some pants from Joe Haggar of the Haggar menswear company. Johnson was somewhat explicit about what he wanted in a nice pair of slacks:
LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States,
JH: Fine
LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.
JH: Right
LBJ: Now be sure you have the best zippers in them. These are good that I have. If you get those to me I would sure be grateful
JH: Fine, Now where would you like them sent please?
LBJ: White House.
Listen for yourself!
Gerald Ford
In September 1975, not just one, but two different women attempted assassinations on Gerald Ford. On 5 September 1975: In Sacramento, California, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, a follower of Charles Manson, drew a Colt .45 caliber pistol on Ford when he reached to shake her hand in a crowd. There were four cartridges in the pistol's magazine but the firing chamber was empty. She was soon restrained by a Secret Service agent. Fromme was sentenced to life in prison. Six months before the assassination attempt, Fromme attempted to contact Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, convinced she had foreseen something evil in his future. Just 17 days later on 22 September 1975: In San Francisco, California, Sara Jane Moore fired a revolver at Ford from 40 feet (12 m) away. The shot missed Ford because a bystander, Oliver Sipple, grabbed Moore's arm. Moore was sentenced to life in prison, but was later paroled in 2007. Moore's friends said she was obsessed with Patty Hearst. After Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army, her father Randolph Hearst created the organization People in Need (P.I.N.) to feed the poor, in order to answer S.L.A. claims that the elder Hearst was "committing 'crimes' against 'the people.'" Moore was a bookkeeper for P.I.N. and an FBI informant when she attempted to assassinate Ford.
Ronald Reagan
"Here's something you may not know, a little Ronald Reagan trivia for you, his entire life, Dad had an inordinate fondness for earlobes. Even as a boy, back in Dixon, Ill., hanging out on a street corner with his friends, they knew that if they were standing next to Dutch, sooner or later, he was going to reach over and grab hold of their lobe, give it a workout there. Sitting on his lap watching TV as a kid, same story. He would have hold of my ear lobe. I'm surprised I have any lobes left after all of that.
And you didn't have to be a kid to enjoy that sort of treatment. Serving in the Screen Actors Guild with his great friend William Holden, the actor, best man at his wedding, Bill got used to it. They would be there at the meetings, and Dad would have hold of his earlobe. There they'd be, some tense labor negotiation, two big Hollywood movie stars, hand in earlobe."
- Ron Reagan, Jr. Eulogy for his father, 14 June 2004.
See the eulogy here!
George H.W. Bush
In January 1992, while at a formal dinner in Japan, George H. W. Bush became ill, vomiting on the Prime Minister of Japan, then fainting. Earlier in the evening, Bush had told his physician he was feeling unwell. According to one source, Bush suggested, "Why don't you just roll me under the table and let me sleep it off?" Since this unfortunate event, the Japanese adopted the slang term bushusuru, which translates to "Bushing it."
If you have ever puked on your host, then you have, alas, committed bushusuru.
Enjoy it here!
George Washington
Washington grew pot on his farm and distilled over 11,000 gallons of whiskey annually. It is unclear whether or not this contributed to his having all of his teeth pulled when he was 57. Or perhaps it was that Washington was so much of an ice cream lover, he had "ice-boxes" kept full for his family and guests. They apparently ordered thousands of gallons over the years. Washington also apparently had a speech impediment. He would often get his “I’s” and “e’s” mixed up. This caused him to spell many words incorrectly. Having no teeth likely made speech challenging, as well. Washington also came up with 110 rules to live by. For example, Rule #69 says:
If two contend together, take not the part of either unconstrained; and be not obstinate in your own opinion; in things indifferent be of the major side.
Watch him defeat the British in this historic footage!
Andrew Jackson
At the funeral of Andrew Jackson in 1845, his pet parrot named Poll had to be removed because it was swearing. In this image, Poll is insulting Jackson, squawking, "You idiot! Crazy asshole!" in the Cherokee language of Tsalagi. Jackson, of course, was to the Cherokee what Saddam Hussein was to the Kurds. Thanks to the Indian Removal Act of 1830, Jackson helped create the "Trail of Tears," which resulted in the death of over 4,000 women, children, and men. Regarding the Cherokee, Jackson said "under the protection of the Government and through the influence of good counsels, [we help them] to cast off their savage habits and become an interesting, civilized, and Christian community." You idiot. Crazy asshole.
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln is consistently ranked as the greatest president of all time, with occasional nods to Washington. This painting is based on a photograph by Lewis Emory Walker, taken in 1865, just two months before Lincoln's assassination. An alteration of the original photograph is used by the City of Springfield, Illinois on many of its official publications. According to the City, "Lincoln's short hair, similar to modern punk cuts, was probably the result of a plaster life mask that was made around this same time by the sculptor Clark Mills."
James Garfield
James Garfield, our 20th president, used to entertain the cabinet by writing in Latin with his right hand and Greek with his left hand--at the same time. Garfield also devised a somewhat nifty proof of the Pythagorean Theorem. He was also a bit of a hearty mule, juggling Indian clubs to build his muscles. On July 2, 1881, less than four months after taking office, Garfield was shot by nutjob Charles J. Guiteau. Guiteau, disgruntled by failed efforts to secure a federal post, yelled out, "I am a Stalwart of the Stalwarts! I did it and I want to be arrested!" after shooting the president. Garfield didn't die immediately. As Garfield attempted to recuperate, doctors continued to probe Garfield's wound with dirty, unsterilized fingers and instruments, attempting for no particular reason to find the location of the bullet. Alexander Graham Bell devised a metal detector specifically for the purpose of finding the bullet lodged inside Garfield, but the metal bed frame Garfield was lying on made the instrument malfunction. Full of infection from all the filthy fingerings, Garfield died on September 19, 1881, two and a half months after being shot.
Great Garfield quotes:
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
Grover Cleveland
Stephen Grover Cleveland (March 18, 1837 – June 24, 1908) was both the twenty-second and twenty-fourth President of the United States. Cleveland was a bachelor when he was elected to the presidency, but he quickly took care of that by marrying the 21-year-old Frances Folsom. In the midst of the Panic of 1893, Cleveland's doctor found a small ulcerated sore on the left surface of Cleveland's hard palate. Initial biopsies were inconclusive; later the samples were proven to be a malignant cancer. Because of the financial depression of the country, Cleveland decided to have surgery performed in secrecy to avoid further market panic. Under the guise of a July vacation cruise, Cleveland and his surgeon, Dr. Joseph Bryant, left for New York. The surgeons operated aboard the yacht Oneida as it sailed off Long Island. The team, sedating Cleveland with nitrous oxide and ether, successfully removed parts of his upper left jaw and hard palate. The size of the tumor and the extent of the operation left Cleveland's mouth disfigured. During a subsequent surgery, an orthodontist fitted Cleveland with a hard rubber prosthesis that corrected his speech and restored his appearance. As far as we know, Cleveland was the only president who had a rubber jaw.
Benjamin Harrison
Benjamin Harrison (August 20, 1833 – March 13, 1901) was the twenty-third President of the United States, serving one measly and forgettable term from 1889 to 1893. Harrison, the only Hoosier president, lost the popular vote by about 90,000 votes, but won the Electoral College by a margin of 233 to 168. As part of his 1888 campaign, Harrison supporters rolled a giant steel "campaign ball" from Maryland to Indianapolis, 600 miles away. Under the slogan “Keep the ball rolling for Harrison,” this 12-foot diameter sphere was festooned with uplifting campaign rhetoric. Harrison was the first president to enjoy the pleasures of electric light in the White House. Unfortunately, he was terrified of electricity and often slept with the lights on, too afraid to flip the "off" switch. Harrison's presidency was perhaps slightly more memorable than his grandfather's. William Henry Harrison, who insisted on delivering the longest inauguration speech in history without a warm coat, died 30 days into his first term. At least Benjamin stuck around long enough to sign the Sherman Anti-Trust act into law.
Calvin Coolidge
Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge was, along with Warren G. Harding and Herbert Hoover, part of the unholy trinity that provided Americans with the Great Depression of the 1930s. While in office (1923-1929), however, Cooldige lived the high life. Coolidge loved playing cowboys and Indians, as photos from his presidency attest. To further this fantasy, Coolidge had an "electric horse" installed in the White House, which he purportedly rode for exercise. Upon learning that Coolidge had died, wisecracking writer Dorothy Parker reportedly remarked, "How can they tell?" To see the least enthralling speech in American political history, check out this.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt
FDR beat Hitler, Mussolini, and Hirohito from a wheelchair. This is a big painting for a big man, my favorite president--with the possible exception of his distant cousin Theodore. He was, famously, only afraid of tautologies.
Harry S Truman
President Truman once said, "No man should be allowed to be president who doesn't understand hogs." It is unclear how Truman might have felt about the contemporary practice of injecting hogs with hormones to increase girth and deliciousness. Or about how hog waste also contributes to air pollution and greenhouse emissions. Ammonia and methane emissions leak unimpeded into the atmosphere, and dangerous foul odors from manure-pit gases waft over to neighboring communities, decreasing the quality of life for citizens living downwind.
"Tell him to go to hell!" - Truman's first response upon learning that Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted him to be his running mate.
Truman was playing poker when he learned that he was to become president. John Tyler, on the other hand, learned of his ascendancy (upon William Henry Harrison's death) while playing marbles.
The New Frontier
While almost no two sources are in agreement as to just how much sex Kennedy enjoyed, historian John Richard Stephens says that "Kennedy confided with friends that he could only be satisfied with three women a day." In August of 1943, while serving as skipper of the PT-109, Kennedy's boat was ripped in two by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri. Kennedy and his crew were tossed into the water and surrounded by flames. Kennedy, despite a chronic back injury, managed to swim four hours to safety while towing an injured crewman by the life jacket strap with his teeth. His @#$ing teeth!
And then there's this!
Lyndon B. Johnson
On 9 August 1964 President Johnson ordered some pants from Joe Haggar of the Haggar menswear company. Johnson was somewhat explicit about what he wanted in a nice pair of slacks:
LBJ: Now the pockets, when you sit down, everything falls out, your money, your knife, everything, so I need at least another inch in the pockets. And another thing - the crotch, down where your nuts hang - is always a little too tight, so when you make them up, give me an inch that I can let out there, uh because they cut me, it's just like riding a wire fence. These are almost, these are the best I've had anywhere in the United States,
JH: Fine
LBJ: But, uh when I gain a little weight they cut me under there. So, leave me , you never do have much of margin there. See if you can't leave me an inch from where the zipper (burps) ends, round, under my, back to my bunghole, so I can let it out there if I need to.
JH: Right
LBJ: Now be sure you have the best zippers in them. These are good that I have. If you get those to me I would sure be grateful
JH: Fine, Now where would you like them sent please?
LBJ: White House.
Listen for yourself!
Gerald Ford
In September 1975, not just one, but two different women attempted assassinations on Gerald Ford. On 5 September 1975: In Sacramento, California, Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, a follower of Charles Manson, drew a Colt .45 caliber pistol on Ford when he reached to shake her hand in a crowd. There were four cartridges in the pistol's magazine but the firing chamber was empty. She was soon restrained by a Secret Service agent. Fromme was sentenced to life in prison. Six months before the assassination attempt, Fromme attempted to contact Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page, convinced she had foreseen something evil in his future. Just 17 days later on 22 September 1975: In San Francisco, California, Sara Jane Moore fired a revolver at Ford from 40 feet (12 m) away. The shot missed Ford because a bystander, Oliver Sipple, grabbed Moore's arm. Moore was sentenced to life in prison, but was later paroled in 2007. Moore's friends said she was obsessed with Patty Hearst. After Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army, her father Randolph Hearst created the organization People in Need (P.I.N.) to feed the poor, in order to answer S.L.A. claims that the elder Hearst was "committing 'crimes' against 'the people.'" Moore was a bookkeeper for P.I.N. and an FBI informant when she attempted to assassinate Ford.
Ronald Reagan
"Here's something you may not know, a little Ronald Reagan trivia for you, his entire life, Dad had an inordinate fondness for earlobes. Even as a boy, back in Dixon, Ill., hanging out on a street corner with his friends, they knew that if they were standing next to Dutch, sooner or later, he was going to reach over and grab hold of their lobe, give it a workout there. Sitting on his lap watching TV as a kid, same story. He would have hold of my ear lobe. I'm surprised I have any lobes left after all of that.
And you didn't have to be a kid to enjoy that sort of treatment. Serving in the Screen Actors Guild with his great friend William Holden, the actor, best man at his wedding, Bill got used to it. They would be there at the meetings, and Dad would have hold of his earlobe. There they'd be, some tense labor negotiation, two big Hollywood movie stars, hand in earlobe."
- Ron Reagan, Jr. Eulogy for his father, 14 June 2004.
See the eulogy here!
George H.W. Bush
In January 1992, while at a formal dinner in Japan, George H. W. Bush became ill, vomiting on the Prime Minister of Japan, then fainting. Earlier in the evening, Bush had told his physician he was feeling unwell. According to one source, Bush suggested, "Why don't you just roll me under the table and let me sleep it off?" Since this unfortunate event, the Japanese adopted the slang term bushusuru, which translates to "Bushing it."
If you have ever puked on your host, then you have, alas, committed bushusuru.
Enjoy it here!